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When Brock goes on sabbatical, two of Dr. Venture’s enemies clash over who gets the honor of killing him.

Brock: Bionic, huh? Let’s see how bionic. (he kicks Summers in the testicles)
Steve Summers: (in agony) Ooof… right in my Cape Canaverals!

Brock: Wait a minute – I know you too. You’re Steve Summers, astronaut.
Steve Summers: Former astronaut.
Brock: I thought you died.
Summers: That’s what everyone was meant to think, though I was barely alive after my test ship broke up, but the army saved me. They spent six million dollars to give me all new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster then I was. Then you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you have any idea how long six million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary!?

Brock: You could’ve told me Sasquatch was a dude…
Steve Summers: Eh? What, you couldn’t tell?
Brock: Not until I had to.. (shudder) …shave him.
Summers: What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn’t have anything you haven’t seen before.
Brock: (angrily) Sasquatch IS something I haven’t seen before!

#24: When they closed the plant, there weren’t a lot of jobs for me. All I got’s a GED. It was either this or the army.
Ünderbheit henchman: In Ünderland, all citizens are required to serve in his lordship’s infantry from the ages of 12 to 37. At 38, we are executed.
Random Monarch henchman: When I met the Monarch, I was hooked on crack cocaine. I get in all kinds of trouble. Monarch turned my life around. How ’bout you, why’d you join up?
#21: You guys kidnapped me when I was 15.

Hank: But Pop, you’re bleeding!
Dr. Venture: Uh? Oh, this. Uh, no, it’s fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress.
Hank: (pointing to Dean’s wet pajama bottoms) Dean’s lactating too!

Dr. Venture: Right now, G.U.A.R.D.O. doesn’t know you or me from a squad of Snake People hopped up on PCP.

Hank: H.E.L.P.eR.’s done it.
Hank and Dean: Go Team H.E.L.P.eR.!

Hank: Yeah, but did you get the first aid kit?
Dr. Venture: I don’t need first aid, Hank, I need you to stop choking me and hitting me with fire extinguishers.

The Monarch: (tastes a cup of soda and spits) What is this, diet? Why did you get diet?
Dr. Girlfriend: I didn’t.
The Monarch: Taste this, then! (shoves the cup into Girlfriend’s face)
Dr. Girlfriend: Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.
The Monarch: How do you do that!? How can you not tell the difference?! God, it’s like having my Dad do the shopping!

The Monarch: Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years!

Dr. Venture: What the hell are you smiling about?
Hank: (dreamily) Brock said I’m the man of the house while he’s gone.
Dr. Venture: (annoyed) Oh, so you think you’re a big man now, huh?
Hank: (uneasily) Uh, no… sir?
(Doctor Venture puts up his dukes and steps menacingly close to Hank)
Dr. Venture: Think you can take your old dad, huh? I knew this day would come! Go ahead, big man, take your best shot!
Hank: What… what do you mean, pop?
Dean: No! Stop it, you two! This family’s tearing itself apart! (begins to cry)
Dr. Venture: You proud of yourself, big man? Look what you’re doing to your poor brother.

Soldier 1: Who was that?
Soldier 2: Brock fucking Samson!
Soldier 1: No way! Dibs on his cigarette butt!