Twenty Years to Midnight



In the middle of spring cleaning, Brock’s discovery of a lost videotape from Jonas Venture Sr. sets Team Venture off on a global scavenger hunt for the hidden pieces of a fantastic and potentially deadly machine. But to save humanity from a terrible fate, they’ll have to overcome death, drug addiction, Jonny Quest and Professor Impossible–all under the watchful eye of the mysterious Grand Galactic Inquisitor.

Dr. Venture: (seeing the Inquisitor for the first time) Ladysmith Black Mambazo!!!

Dean: (while going through a box of Dr. Venture’s old things) Ah, neat! You wrote a fan letter to the Herculoids when you were ten? (Hank snatches the letter away from Dean) Hey!
Hank: Hey, horses! (reads letter) It’s not a fan letter, he calls them hippies for not fighting in Vietnam. (The Grand Inquisitor snatches the letter) Hey!
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!

Brock: What’re you doing here?
Captain: Yeah, well — you never seemed to use the boat, so… I kinda started sleepin’ here. Only a couple nights a week at first. You try findin’ a job with nothin’ on your resume but fake ghost pirate–
Brock: Get to the point!
Captain: Yah yah! Geez. Anyhoo… I wakes up one day and there’s this little fella standin’ there. And he tells me it’s his boat now, on account a’yer pa ‘et him up when he was wee! He hired me on as the ship’s captain! So really, it’s kinda more my boat than yours at this point.

Captain: Jesus Jones! (pause) Ah, now there was a band.

Dr. Venture: (waking up from a bizarre dream) Oh, I thought I was done with those crappy dreams.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: That was a weird one.
Venture: Great, you can read my mind.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME! (pause) Yes, I can.

Hank: (upon entering Colonel Horace Gentleman’s private chambers) Are you t’home?

Dean: (reading Colonel Gentelman’s journal) Toys Colonel Gentleman wishes he had when he was a lad but weren’t invented yet: Micronauts, The Scooby-Doo Monster Game, AT-AT Imperial Walker, Stay Alive: The Survival Game and Which Witch?
Hank: What is that, code?
Dean: (after reading Colonel Gentleman’s journal) “Colonel Gentleman’s good names for an imaginary friend.” “Colonel Gentleman’s Hollywood actresses who need a smack in the mouth” They go on and on. This is a crazy person’s diary.

Jonny Quest: Are you cops?

Brock: (sighing with disgust) This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!
Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man’s eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
Brock: At least I didn’t break his heart.
Dr. Venture: You don’t know that.

Prof. Richard Impossible: You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago. Then I thought about you in physics class. You were a daydreamer, a sass-mouth, and, not infrequently, a bit of a gigglepuss. Somehow I doubt twenty years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that.

Grand Galactic Inquisitor: Someone left a baby! (after a pause, he reluctantly picks up Rocket)
Rocket: (babbles)
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!

Prof. Impossible: Please! This is important!
Sally Impossible: What could be more important than your family, Richard?
Prof. Impossible: (baffled by the question) Sssssss-science?

Prof. Impossible: (as Brock bolts his cheek to a wall) Of all the intolerable bugaboos!

Grand Galactic Inquisitor: (exiting a taxi) Good news, sample subjects of Earth! The glorious moment of judgment is upon you!
Taxi driver: Hey! It’s eight-twenty on the meter, stretch!
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!

“Jonas Venture”: Oh, Rusty. You were never alone. Those stars… well, okay, you can’t see them right now because we’re in the city, but those stars, they’re always watching us.

“Jonas Venture”: I took the form of your dad because I figured it would be easier to accept. I didn’t want to stress you out—end of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah.
Dr. Venture: Why…you SON-OF-A-BITCH! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the fuck were you thinking?! What kind of fucked-up planet are you from, where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?!
“Jonas Venture”: Okay, take it easy…
Dr. Venture: You prick!
“Jonas Venture”: Look, I just saved your entire planet…
Dr. Venture: Prick!
“Jonas Venture”: Alright, fine, you wanna see? Here! (Peels off his face, revealing his true self, which is shown offscreen, but horrifies everyone else) There! Are you happy now? Would that be better? That I came out looking like that out of nowhere? Look at you! You practically crapped your pants! Except for him, he crapped his pants! (points to Ned)
Ned: Boom boom.

Sea Captain: (Upon watching Jonas Venture Jr and Mrs. Impossible meeting) Hoo-ah, I can almost hear the old humpbacks a-callin’.