Handsome Ransom



The Monarch: Henchman 21, there’s a taxi idling in the driveway awaiting his fair… slay him!

Dr. Girlfriend: (About Captain Sunshine) What’d he do to you
The Monarch: The usual he threw me in jail. He literally threw me right into the yard of the state prison and he shouts up to the warden, “looks like this one won’t be causing any more trouble.” Then he flies off with this gay salute
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh my god
The Monarch: Apparently he’s never heard of due process.

The Monarch: How long have we been trying to kill this schmuck, ten, twenty years?
Dr. Girlfriend: I dunno, since Marky Mark had a funk bunch?
The Monarch: Do you want to know how to really hurt Venture?
Dr. Girlfriend: Not really, but as a wife I try and be supportive
The Monarch: In the pocketbook! [permalink]

The Monarch: Time to pay the piper, Venture, for admitted to my mega pillar silky issue will destroy the only living proof you’ve had sex, unless you give me ten million dollars
Dr. Venture: Since when did you start arching for money?

Dr. Venture: Shit! It’s Chuck Scarsdale! Hide or we’re gonna be on the news!

(Monarch is in Wonder Boy’s costume which traumatizes Captain Sunshine.)
Captain Sunshine: Take. That. Costume. Off!
The Monarch: Whats the matter Captain Fun Time? Isn’t this what you always wanted?!
Captain Sunshine: What are you talking about?!
The Monarch: Wouldn’t it just fix everything twisted up inside of you if you can only fuck Wonder Boy and your worst enemy at the same time, huh? Well come and get us!

The Monarch: I’m about to have fun time eating sunshine on a stick!