Return to Spider-Skull Island



Dr. Venture is rushed to the hospital to have a tumor removed, but the boys mistake his ailment for a pregnancy and decide to run away. After the operation, strange things begin to happen, including the accidental deaths of Hank and Dean Venture.

The Monarch: Look, you two, I’m dying in here. Have you heard anything from Dr. Girlfriend?
#21: We’ve been calling her every hour, and we keep getting her machine.
The Monarch: Did you try the cellular phone?
#24: Yeah, we followed your instructions to the letter. It’s just that…
The Monarch: Have you destroyed the giant cocoon headquarters?
#21: Not yet.
The Monarch: Have you sent the charred remains of Wonderboy to his beloved Captain Sunshine?
#21: Yes.
The Monarch: Rewound and returned the director’s cut of Working Girl?
#24: We tried, but..
The Monarch: Unleashed the herpes-smeared sexbots upon the traitorous members of the Guild?
#21: Yep.
The Monarch: Filled Phantom Limb’s garage with clingy, static-charged Stryrofoam packing peanuts?
#24: No.
The Monarch: Sent apology letters to each of my sponsored Ugandan foster children?
#21: Check!
The Monarch: Have you… KILLED THE VENTURE BROTHERS?!

Dean: I’ll be sleeping in a room right next to Triana. And then she’ll hear, like, thunder or something, and she’ll run into my room all scared and stuff. And I’ll be like, “Hush, my darling. It’s just ionized air molecules expanding.” And she’ll be like, “Oh, hold me.” And then I’ll, like…
Hank: Dude! If we stay here, that means that we’ll be Dr. Orpheus’s kids. And that means Triana will be your sister. And that means you two will have extra-retard babies.

Dr. Orpheus: Pumpkin, get me my cloak!
Triana Orpheus: Why don’t you wear the …
Dr. Orpheus: Oh fine. GET ME MY BLUE WINDBREAKER!

Waitress: What can I get you?
Dr. Orpheus: Well, you see, I made this purchase of a homeboy from your vending machine.

Dr. Orpheus: Consider this your final warning. You do not know the risk you are taking. For a whisper from my lips can open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!

The Monarch:You’re probably wondering why your here,YOUR HERE BECAUSE YOU DONE FUCKED UP TOO MANY TIMES!
The Monarch: You think you’re hot shit in a champagne glass, but you’re really cold diarrhea in a dixie cup!
Random Guy: (snickering)
The Monarch:Think this is funny huh, cause you so fuckin bad, i know your type. “oh i’ll just put on a costume and rip off the neighborhood kids”,next thing you know you have a jet shaped like a skull with laser’s on the front.
Random Guy: This is totally gay.
The Monarch: What?! You think this is gay, huh? Is that what you said, you scrawny piece of shit? Oh, this isn’t gay! But King Gorilla over there is, and I’ll bet he can’t wait to break off a piece of your dick in his ass! (King Gorilla makes kissing lips)

The Monarch: You – get up! I SAID GET THE FUCK UP! What’s your name?
Dean: Dean Ven…
The Monarch: YOUR NAME IS BITCH! And I own you. YOU’RE PROPERTY! And when I’m tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame – King Gorilla, you got a cigarette? There, I just sold you for a cigarette, and I don’t smoke! (pause) Holy shit, you’re Dean fucking Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back, here’s your cigarette.
King Gorilla: Fuck you, gimme a dollar!

The Monarch: What are you boys doing in the bighouse?
Dean: Well, our dad had a baby, so we ran away.
Hank: And then we got arrested for not speeding enough.
The Monarch: You shouldn’t even be alive!
Dean: Huh?
The Monarch: I put out a hit on you…super sorry. But, you know, I’m in mother-fucking prison here. My life is fucked.

The Monarch: You boys don’t wanna end up in here, this place is full of fucking animals. (Hank opens his mouth) I don’t mean King Gorilla, Hank. I mean this place will chew you up and spit you out. (Hank opens his mouth again) No, I’m not talking about Mecha-Mouth, Hank.
Dean: (sighs) This was a big mistake.
The Monarch: Fuckin’-A right! This is all wrong, you boys are the fucking Venture brothers. You’ve had your little adventure, now go the hell home.
Hank: Fuck that shit!
Dean: Hank Venture! What is wrong with you!? You’re changing into an extra-bad person! Do you even know how many baby angels you just killed by saying that?!
Hank: Oh by glory! You’re right! What’s happening to us. We searched for freedom, and it landed us in jail.
Dean: I bet dad’s worried sick. And Brock. He loves ya, Hank, I just know it.
The Monarch: Oh, this is just gay. Look, I gotta get back to yelling at regular kids, alright?

Dr. Venture: What else do you want? Do you want Dean? You could have Dean. He could carry you around on his back, like Master Blaster.

Waitress: What’ll it be, sugar?
Dr. Orpheus: Your sugar flask appears to be filled. Yet your concern is noted; now please, step to the side.

Dr. Orpheus: A mere whisper from my Lips could open your minds to a World of ARCANE TORTURES!
Ignorant Redneck: Ffffff…faggit.

Dr. Orpheus: Don’t touch that. For within that Homeboy figurine reside the souls of TWO FOULMOUTHED REDNECKS!!!

(after the boys have been shot to death)
Dr. Venture: All right… get their clothes.

Doctor: Sorry, medical personnel only.
Brock: I go where he goes.
Doctor: Oh… you must be his “partner” then?
Brock: No, it’s more like I work for him…WAIT A MINUTE – NO!!

Dr. Venture: What would I do without you?
Brock: (nonchalantly) You’d be dead.

Dr. Venture: (sarcastically) I want a second opinion! Oh, wait, I’m a doctor! I can give myself one! You suck, and I’m leaving!

Random Guy: This is totally gay.
The Monarch: What’d you say? You think this is gay, huh? Is that what you said, you scrawny piece of shit? Oh, this isn’t gay! But King Gorilla over there is, and I’ll bet he can’t wait to break off a piece of your dick in his ass! (King Gorilla makes kissing lips)