The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together (Part I)



(The Monarch, Dr. Girlfriend, The Moppets and 21&24 ride in the Monarch Mobile to storm the Venture Compound.)
Dr. Girlfriend: I wanted to take the cocoon.
The Monarch: That just what Venture expects us to do. But he won’t expect this! You and your two best men, me and my…men. We keep it slim. Elite forces!
Dr. Girlfriend: Great. One of your “elite forces” is playing Tetris on his cell phone, while the other is peeing into a grande chai latte.
#21: God, I wish! It’s like there’s a vice on my wing-ding! You guys gotta stop talking so I can get in the zone.

(Brock confers with Hunter Gathers, now a post-op tranny working at a strip club)
Brock: (to Doc) I’ll only be a minute. Will you just wait out in the X-1 with the boys?
Hunter: You came in the plane? You call parking a supersonic jet in front of a titty-bar inconspicuous?! Who taught you to be a spy, fucking Gallagher!?!

Brock: I’m gonna need some wheels.
Hunter: (climbing onto the table and thrusting his crotch in Brock’s face) You can take mine. But you are not gonna like looking for the keys!

Brock: Damn it Hank, if we get out of this alive, I’m going to kill you myself!
Hank: Na-ah, you don’t have a license to kill anymore.

The Monarch: Alright, let’s review [the game plan.] Moppets?
Tim-Tom: Locate the Venture Brothers.
Kevin: And kill them!
The Monarch: Subdue them.
Tim-Tom: Cut their bellies…
The Monarch: Subdue their bellies. Dr. My Wife?
Dr. Girlfriend: Locate and seduce…
The Monarch: Subdue! Come on!
Dr. Girlfriend: Sorry. Subdue Brock Samson.
The Monarch: Good! Henchman 24?
#24: Locate and subdue the Venture robot.
The Monarch: Subdue? You can kill the robot. It’s a robot! Henchman 21?
#21 does a “pee-pee” dance with a pained look on his face.
#21: What!? Dude, I gotta pee so bad, it’s backing up into my kidneys!

(Brock just laid down two tracks of oil slicks — Herr Trigger skillfully drives his motorcycle between the two slicks.)
Hank: (glibly)…didn’t work…
Brock: (irritated) I KNOW!

(The X1 takes a hit from a SAM fired by Herr Trigger)
Brock: BUSEY!
(Everybody instantly fastens their seat belts.)

Holy Diver: Let’s kick Trespass-ass!

Jean-Claude Le Tueur: (as he strangles Brock) You cut your hair?? Why you do zis? You had such a cool look!

(Brock and Le Tuerer are battling in the next room, which Dr. Venture mistakes for Hank and Dean rough-housing)
Dr Venture: This is why daddy has to DRINK to RELAX, boys!

Hank: Well, when I was my age, I jumped off my roof, in a Batman costume. I think. I might have just dreamt it.

Dr. Girlfriend: (taking Sgt. Hatred’s handie talkie-shaped cellular phone) That’s a big cell phone.
Sgt. Hatred: I’m a big boy!