Phantom Limb: Silence! The room has ears. they’re everywhere… listening, plotting, laughing at our hair!
Dragoon: Am I missing something?
Red Mantle: The man is a Fruit Loop!
Phantom Limb: Fruit Loop as a fox, gentlemen!
Red Mantle: I’ve been piloting this bone-bag for like 73 years. I’m not giving it up to a talking pimple!
Dragoon: A talking pimple that can make you noogie himself!
Master Billy Quizboy: Wa-wait. Wait. I’m confused. This happened in 1659?
Dragoon: What? No! 1959.
Master Billy Quizboy: You said 16-59!
Dragoon: No I didn’t!
Master Billy Quizboy: You totally did, right? Crazy.
Red Mantle: Whatever. It doesn’t matter. You see the old guy told us he was making a rock ‘n roll orchestra. And that old man was the legendary Fantomas!
Dragoon: The famed grandfather of Captain Crazy here.
Dr. Venture: (outside the bathroom) I have a list of inappropriate behavior. Number one: this! Don’t do this!
Sgt. Hatred: What’s number two?
Dr. Venture: Nothing. I don’t have a number two. I don’t even have a list. Get out of the bathroom!
Hank: Let me show you what a Batman-filled, Brocked-trained Venture can do!
Sgt. Hatred: Hank, you know about the birds and the bees, right?
Hank: For like two years now!
Sgt. Hatred: Well, you know how some bees like other bees and some birds like other birds?
Hank: Like Uncle Gentleman?
Sgt. Hatred: Right. Now there are some birds that like eggs, and eggs are fragile and can’t defend themselves. So some egg lovers take experimental drugs to not like eggs. Because I don’t want to like eggs.
Hank: I already know that you used to be a pedestrian.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, I also like bees! I’ve had my share of honey.
Watch: They know we’re stalling. And seriously, I can’t come up with a way to be more intimidating.
Ward: I can! We get completely nude! Naked army! Go all Braveheart on them!
Watch: I think the Eunuch Division might gross everybody out.
Ward: Yeah, maybe. But the Women’s Auxiliary, that’ll rule!
Dragoon: And I’m staying in the car! We! We are staying in the car.
Red Mantle: We haven’t been outside in 30 years. I’m old and I’m afraid of everything.
Dragoon: I’m afraid the streets are overrun with teenage gangs!
Red Mantle: Teenagers are cruel and they will undoubtedly taunt us because our trousers are not in style any more.
Dragoon: And we are two heads in one body. And that has never, ever been hip!
Dr. Venture: Dean, I remember when the Action Man would wake me up with a gun pointed at my head. He’d just hold it there and pull the trigger. I’d hear the click really loud because it was right against my forehead.
Dean: So it echoes.
Dr. Venture: Right, it sounded like he snapped one of my teeth out. Click. And then he’d go “Not today, Rusty, not today.”
Dean: Golly. And you took it because you had to?
Dr. Venture: No, Dean, I took it because I was Rusty Venture, Boy Adventurer. I didn’t ask for this life, Dean. But it’s mine. Sure, I fall down in this speedsuit. But I get up and wet-nap my puke off.
Dean: Do you have one?
Dr. Venture: I got a pocket full of those lemony little devils.It all comes with that outfit, Dean. It’s not all bad. I mean, I am a super-scientist. Loved. Feared. Well, I have a lawn full of bad guys who want my… what do they want?
Red Mantle: Great, we knocked him out.
Dragoon: What is this, an episode of Gilligan’s Island? Everybody gets hit once and they are instantly unconscious.
Red Mantle: Good one. Six bucks says he has amnesia when he wakes up.
Red Mantle: Two heads are better than one.
Dragoon: What does that have to do with anything?
Red Mantle: Nothing. I’ve been wanting to say that all day. I got sick of waiting for an opportunity.
Master Billy Quizboy: I just want to go back in my bag!