skip to Main Content

While in Mexico, where Dr. Venture is giving a lecture, the Venture family crosses paths with The Monarch, who believes that they are there to foil his latest plan.

Dr. Venture: So, you see by applying the basic principles of the scientific method to the matter, we learn very quickly that the myth of the ‘Chupacabra’ is just that… utter crap. (clears throat) Now! If we apply the same method to Catholicism, an interesting thing occurs…

University Administrator: Interesting lecture as always. I’m only sorry there was not a better turn out. It’s difficult to hold the student’s attention during ‘Dia de los Muetos.’
Dr. Venture: Oh right. That crazy dead people Christmas, you people celebrate. What? Is that supposed to be today?

University Administrator: Your check, Dr. Venture. Muchas gracias.
Dr. Venture: Super good! Very generous of y-oh, pesos. Great. These zeros are all meaningless.

Hank: This place is tits!

The Monarch: Speedy!
Speedy: Yes Monarch!
The Monarch: You’re being promoted. I want you and a phalanx of no less than 3 and no more than 5 henchmen to go observe Dr. Venture. Find out what he’s doing here and whether or not he knows about my SINISTER PLAN.
Speedy: Does this mean I’m getting my wings?
The Monarch: No.
Speedy: Ugh! I’m never gonna get those wings.
The Monarch: Someday Speedy. Someday. Here! (Tosses keys to Speedy) How about I let you drive the Monarch Mobile?

Dr. Venture: Horrible disease carrying things!
Hank: But that might have been somebody’s spirit, Pop.
Dr. Venture: All the more reason to get it the hell off me!

Dr. Guevara: I am sorry, Señor Venture.
Dr. Venture: Doctor.
Dr. Guevara: Sí?
Dr. Venture: No, ‘Doctor Venture’. What’s Mexican for ‘doctor’?
Dr. Guevara: Doctor.

Dr. Venture: But I have tri-polar disorder!

Dr. Guevara: I realize I am a Tijuana doctor, but even we have scruples. I could lose my license to practice… Mexican medicine.

Hank: Well, sure. H.E.L.P.eR. looks like a dried-out turd on a bad stretch of road.

[after his henchmen have kidnapped the Venture boys and brought them back to the lair] The Monarch: But see, that’s what I’m talking about! Now Venture’ll send Samson after the rest of us, and he’ll go totally sickhouse on our asses. I LIKE my ass, gentlemen.

Dr. Venture: Brock! Come in Brock! Seriously! This is an emergency! Please don’t screen me.

Dean: Where are we?
The Monarch: You’re supposed to be the super sleuths, you figure it out!
Dean: Were in the belly of the lair of The Monarch’s hideout!

Hank: What’s your problem with our dad anyway?!
The Monarch: (awkwardly) Well, I- he- he’s my nemesis. My archenemy.
Dean: I don’t think pop thinks you’re his archenemy.
The Monarch: Come on, I’m sure the walls of the Venture Compound are practically caked with the lingering curses of the Monarch’s name.
Dean: Uhh, no. I’ve never even heard him mention you.
Hank: Yeah, I always thought Baron Ünderbheit was dad’s arch-enemy.
The Monarch: (astounded) Ünderbheit!?! Why, that dime-store Doctor Doom isn’t fit to… Just you wait til your father calls me back!!

Dr. Venture: Where the hell are the boys?
(On two way communicator watch)
Dr. Venture: Boys? Hello? Hank, are you there? Dave? Dean?

Dr. Venture: Brock! You’re alive! It worked! My shrine worked! It’s not all superstitious nonsense!
(After seeing Brock rise from the grave still clutching Speedy’s corpse)
Dr. Venture: What? Oh, god! You’re a zombie or something… I SHOULD HAVE NEVER PLAYED GOD!

Hank: (Trying to pick a lock) Double dammit!
Dean: Hank, you said the double-D word!

Brock: How long can you live if you’re not hooked up to him?
Dr. Venture: Oh, I dunno…a couple of hours? But that’ll be awfully uncomf– (Brock yanks out the tubes connecting Doc to H.E.L.P.eR.) GAH!

Dr. Venture: (after being attacked by a frightening green creature) What the hell was that?
Brock: Chupacabra. They’re all over Mexico.

Brock: You get the boys. I’ll take care of these guys.
Dr. Venture: Are you sure? There’s an awful lot of them.
Brock: (Left eye twitching) They hit me with a truck.

Dr. Girlfriend: W-What’s all that noise?
The Monarch: No time for questions, Baby! Fire up the smaller escape cocoon ingeniously housed in this larger cocoon headquarters!

Hank & Dean: Dad!
Dean: We knew you wouldn’t let us down.
Hank: And just in the nick of time too! Monarch was gettin’ all ‘creepy uncle’ on us.
Hank: You’re the best dad in the world!

Dr. Venture: And so your father needs from one of you to donate a kidney. So, that I can keep living and doing ‘The Best Dad In The World’ thing.
Dean: But which one of us, Pop?
Dr. Venture: I haven’t decided yet.
Hank: I know! Rock, Scissors, Paper!
Dean: You’re on!
Hank & Dean: Once! Twice! Three! Shoot!

Hank: What happened? I thought I picked rock!
Dean: Argh… so did I.
Dr. Venture: And I picked two beautiful kidneys! I feel freaking amazing!

Back To Top