Life goes on after the tragic deaths of Hank and Dean in this Season Two opener. Meanwhile, the Monarch deals with life “inside.”
Jonas Venture Jr.: But we’re the Venture Brothers! Shouldn’t we work Together?
Dr. Venture: Unh. What does it take to get rid of you, you parasite? Tweezers and a match? I gave you life, I gave you half my stuff, I gave you the X2 for God’s sake, what more do you want?! My blood? Here! Take it! Take my blood! [bends over, pointing his rear towards Jonas Jr.] or better yet, Just climb right on back inside me! [pats rear] Go on! Jump back in there! Come on!
Jonas Venture Jr.: [sighs] Fine. Never mind. Just let me get my stuff from the lab and I’ll go.
Dr. Venture: ‘The lab’? Try my lab.
Jonas Venture Jr.: Yours, mine. what does it matter? We’re the Venture Brothers!
Dr. Venture: Oh, wow, you’re so generous with my things.
Young Hector: This Aztec calendar says today is your lucky day!
Swifty: (Mumbling) I used to be pretty. Yeah but not no more, look at my nose…
The Monarch: Hey! Hey! Are you raping me?!
King Gorilla: No… well, I was gonna.
The Monarch: Gonna?! What the fuck, King?!
King Gorilla: I couldn’t get it up.
The Monarch: AGH! [Holds hands to ears] Lalalalalalala…
King Gorilla: You’re built too much like a girl! I couldn’t get into it.
The Monarch: [stops ‘la’ -ing] What… What a… this isn’t even my cell! What’d you do, take me to your place?
King Gorilla: Well I got porn here… it helps.
The Monarch: AAGH! [Puts hands back to ears as he leaves the cell] Lalalalalalala…
Dr. Orpheus: But I am, by trade, a necromancer! Do you know what that means?
Brock: You have sex with dead people?
Dr. Orpheus: phile! Necrophile!
Dr. Orpheus: (on whether he actually saw the boys) Saw them!? I made them a fucking MILKSHAKE!
Brock: (asked to put the immature clones back into their “incubators”) I hate touching them, they feel like giant Stretch Armstrongs.
Dr. Venture: Look, if you have a clumsy child, you make him wear a helmet. If you have death-prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.
Dr. Orpheus (talking to Triana about raising the dead): Don’t worry pumpkin, daddy does this all the time! Evel Knievel, David Blaine, both daddy’s clients. As was Ronald Reagan, until he bounced a check.
Dr. Venture: [To Half-Formed Corpse] Hank! You are never to call your father a crumb-bum in front of company!
Dr. Orpheus: No shower for Byron Orpheus!
Dr. Orpheus: (to Triana) Now don’t touch anything. You could accidentally make the cat huge…or something.
King Gorilla: You and your Guild can go screw. Ten years of payin’ dues and what do they do to keep me out of here when I got caught!?!
Phantom Limb: Oh, what could we do? You eviscerated and sodomized Vince Neil on national television.
King Gorilla: Hey, I only sodomized half of him! They wanted The Surreal Life, K.G. GAVE it to them!
Dr. Orpheus: Slow down. What about the zombies?
Dr. Venture: Oh, I call those “clone slugs” — grew those years ago from nail clippings, I think. Anyway, after the slugs have been activated, that machine…
Dr. Orpheus: Purgatory.
Dr. Venture: Whatever. That computer feeds all their nocturnally recorded memory synapses.
Dr. Orpheus: Their memories, hopes, and dreams. Their immortal souls!
Dr. Venture: You’re killing me with that crap; just let me finish. That computer feeds synaptic data to their incubation beds; that information is supplemented with basic knowledge that my dad recorded for me so I didn’t have to go to school; and that is why I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 24.
Dr. Orpheus: That is awful!
Dr. Venture: Well, you didn’t see her. It was horrific.
Dr. Orpheus: Who is your grief counselor? Mother Teresa?
The Monarch: Et tu, King Gorilla?
Dr. Orpheus: Wait, perhaps you can help. From your helmet I can charge you have been here long enough–
Buried-Soul Head1: Yes pilgrim, I, in life, was a personal guard to the great Caesar.
Buried-Soul Head2: Nuh uh. Liar. You choked on a popsicle stick at a Halloween party.
Buried-Soul Head1: Oh tell everyone why don’t ya–
Buried-Soul Head2: Everybody knows. Why do ya think you’re in hell? ‘Cause ya fuckin lie.
Dr. Orpheus: I like digging. Can’t a man walk through his house with a shovel without an inquisition?