This week’s episode of the Venture Bros has Billy living his dream, mysterious vampire guys, and the return of everyone’s favorite “fake pirate.”
At a hospital Billy aka “Dr. Phil Donahue”, is being praised for his surgical skills. He’s being offered a promotion, but his paperwork is screwy. Billy insists he’s legit and studied with “Dr. John Hopkinsburg.” He then walks in a patient’s room where we see a dying King Gorilla. Three men wearing pinstriped suits appear and rip KG’s heart out. Terrified, Billy stands there as they disappear.
Back at the trailer, Billy’s freaking out over the “vampires” he saw that the hospital. Pete assures him they’re just shareholders. He doesn’t want to give back the things he got with the money, including a robotic Bo Duke (Robo-Bo) complete with a Confederate flag on his back and a voice like Stephen Hawking. The mysterious guys show up. Billy walks outside and screams. Pete goes to get the “Conjectural cycle.”
Pete goes to S.P.H.I.N.X. and offers them $50,000 rescue Billy. Hunter explains that S.P.H.I.N.X. only fights “bad guys dressed as regular guys who point laser guns at your daughter’s head.” Pete insists Hunter owes Billy for using him to infiltrate the Guild. Hunter argues he’s not with the OSI anymore. Hunter tries to kick Pete out until he shows them one the vampire’s checks. The vamps are actually the Investors and they have been looking for them.
Wearing Rusty Venture pajamas, Billy wakes up in a gothic bedroom. Monstroso comes in and explains the vampires are Investors who make dreams comes true for a price, he’s made a deal with them and they will become immortal. He knows Billy’s a great surgeon and Pete mooches off him.
Pete and S.P.H.I.N.X. are investigating outside the trailer. Shore Leave discovers water from the Atlantic Ocean. Pete wants to go with them, but Hunter tells him he needs to get to a safe house. Pete’s locked in the Venture Panic Room with Hatred and his bunions.
Brock, Shore Leave, and Hunter visit Spider Skull Island. Jonas Jr still in space building Gargantua 2 as he’s been doing for this entire season. The Captain answers the door, calls Hunter “grandpa” and tells him there’s no smoking allowed, but pot and gay marriage are legal. Shore Leave is so going to retire there. The X2 has been dismantled for parts, but the Captain has another boat.
Monstroso and Billy are in a locker room. They’ve been busy playing mini-golf before they become immortal. Billy says he wants to experience more. Monstroso babbles about laser tag and giant Legos. Billy hints he wants more “adult” things. Confused, Monstroso suggests “giant..checkers?”
At the Captain’s old ship, Shore Leave and him reminisce about Degrassi. Meanwhile in the Panic Room, Hatred breaks out in to song about Princess Tinyfeet. The only thing that is more painfully funny then his singing is the look on Pete’s face, especially when Hatred tells him he’s “free to cry or join in.”
Billy learns it’s not a good idea to play racquetball with someone who’s more then 3 times his size. He confines that his “adult thing” is going on a date. Monstroso collapses, his heart’s failing. He refuses to go to the hospital and says they have to fulfill their destinies tonight.
Back on the Captain’s ship, S.P.H.I.N.X. is checking out a hand print found on the Investors check. Brock realizes it’s not a palm print, but a very large thumb print. They figure out the Investors are funded by the Guild and the owner of the huge print.
Monstroso is signing papers as Billy sits in his bedroom. Three vampire brides appear and seduce him. Panicking, Billy tells them he “wants the sucking but not the biting.” As things heat up, Billy’s hand lights up and spews foam. Shore Leave found Billy’s homing signal and he also set off the hand’s fire extinguisher. Shore Leave and Brock gear up to swim to Monstroso’s ship. Since Shore Leave has his “genital formal wear,” when he gets into the water he complains it’s freezing and maybe he’s not dressed appropriately.
Ready for his fate, Billy signs papers. It turns out he’s not becoming a vampire, the girls in his room where just prostitutes and the papers are Billy’s medical diplomas. This was an elaborate set up to get Billy to perform surgery on Monstroso. King Gorilla’s heart will be transplanted in into Monstroso. Billy will gain immortality because the surgery is so difficult. (and performed in international waters). While Billy isn’t happy to have been kidnapped again in order to perform surgery on a super villain, he decides to do it.
While Brock and Shore Leave beat the Hell out of Monstroso’s henchmen, Billy goes to work. Brock walks in on Billy and explains Pete hired them. Still mad at how Pete treats him, Billy asks “what board game was the money from?” In a series of “cowboy speeches,” Brock asks him if he could live with himself knowing he helped a killer get a second chance. Billy argues he can’t break his doctor’s oath and he has to complete the surgery.
After the credits, Monstroso is recovering at S.P.H.I.N.X. headquarters. Billy checks on him and returns to Brock. The only thing Brock is worried about is if Monstroso is “well enough so I can kill him yet?”
POINTS OF INTEREST:
Hunter’s “No Secrets” speech, especially he misses his breasts and Brock once masturbated 12 times in one day.
Hatred calling Pete a “Starfucker.”
Shore Leave turning Monstroso’s thumb print into a turkey.
Brock and Shore Leave thinking the men in suits where either shooting bullets from from bodies or throwing knives from their backs.
— Jennifer Amlie
Review by Jennifer Amlie, Junior Writer – The Venture Bros. Blog